September 12, 1997 Frustration. I'm feeling rage and frustration and sadness and fatigue all rolled up in a tangly ball which is threatening to choke me. I said something to someone last night, which may have compromised him in the eyes of someone else and it was completely unintentional since I didn't realize that he was with that person, to begin with. Hmm, re-reading it, that just plain doesn't make any sense. To put it another way, I should have kept my mouth shut. I'm starting to get very disgusted with myself. I'm so anxious to fit in that I'm selling out, behaving differently. I didn't DO this when I was younger. What changed? What's going on here? Why am I getting so caught up in the dizziness of the moment, trying so hard to be casually funny and tersely biting in a companionable way? I'm just ... unhappy with my behavior. And then there's more work-related stress .... Which I blew off by going to lunch with Leanne. Next Previous