September 5, 1997 I had steam coming out of my ears earlier today. From start to finish this day has in some ways been a total and unqualified disaster. Most of it having to do with bad scheduling and conflicts and miscommunication. Then the conversation at lunch wound up disturbing me rather badly. They were talking about love and dating. I realized how differently I view the world. I started questioning whether the way I look at things and approach things was less valid. Am I so wrong to want to see the GOOD in people? Of valuing it over the bad? This lunch started sounding like something which would have happened in jr. high or high school. The popular kids making disparaging comments about the less-popular kids. And I was participating. I was laughing a little bit too. And I was so ashamed, because I'm just trying too hard to fit in. But I don't want to try too hard. I don't want to compromise my integrity, my values, everything I believe in. I act as I do, in my blunt forward manner for a reason. It's the truth. And I don't really want to back away from the truth. I can't stop being me. I can't pretend to be something I'm not just to find approval. It's the same refrain of "take me as I am, or not at all " Yes, I'm a bit upset and disturbed and tired. I want to go home. Next Previous