September 4, 1997 Money money money. Last night, in a fatigue-induced haze, I watched the hype-up leading to the announcement of the next batch of winners in the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. They show shots of ordinary people, being brought out of their homes reacting suddenly to the news that they've won large sums of money. I sat there and secretly sighed a little bit, thinking of what I would do, if we got so lucky. I went through a phase where I filled out my Publisher's vouchers religiously. Then I got tired of paying for magazine-subscriptions that I never read. It was costing more than it was worth, so I started ripping them up and tossing them out automatically. Yet there's still that little leap inside which wonders what I'd do if we won. The truth is, that I know exactly what we'd do. We'd pay off the mass of credit card debt that's been floating along behind us. I, had a relatively manageable amount as I left college. It was a large number but I could have paid it off within a year. I also have a student loan, which isn't terribly large either but will take longer to pay off. Sabs on the other hand, had a maxxed-out card and was living pretty close to the wire when he moved in with me. Last October, Sabs had an accident, he lost control of the car and it crashed into a hillside off the highway during a rainstorm. We had to replace the engine. We had no car for 6 weeks. We had to rent a car for 6 weeks. The insurance covered most of the repairs. But they offered only $500 for the rental. Suddenly my credit card was loaded again. Like many other people in this country, we shell out a huge amount of money every month just to keep the credit cards at bay. We can't use them for 'special' occasions, or for emergencies. Though we do occasionally break down and add a little to the pool we're drowning in. This month we put ourselves on a serious budget. We looked at exactly what we needed to spend to get by, and we're throwing the rest at the credit cards, trying to knock them into oblivion. We make a decent living, together. We'd be comfortably happy at the salary we make if we hadn't over-extended ourselves as students. I'd be able to take some of the classes that I want to take, and not have to worry so much about whether the account will wind up being over-drawn, or running out of money for food or gas. From a financial stand-point, I think we'd both be HAPPY with our lifestyle, our income-level as it is. We'd have just enough to pay for our apartment, spend a bit on social life and still put some away for buying a home. But our dreams are on hold, because we messed up when we were students. We're paying the piper. I don't want to be fantabulously rich. I'm happy making enough to get by and to save a little for a rainy day. But living paycheck-to-paycheck is very stressful. We're not poor, but sometimes I feel time nipping at our heels. I'm afraid that the street is dangerously close and I question whether I'd have the strength to handle that. Would I, would we, be able to survive out there, if we had another catastrophe? Who knows. So, what would I do if I won a million dollars? I'd pay off our debts, invest a little, put some away for the children I want to have some day, and give the rest to my family and charity. And maybe, if there was enough, I'd buy Sabs and I two round-trip tickets to France so we could go visit his grandparents whom he hasn't seen for 5+ years. But I'd still want to work, and I'd still want to live simply. I don't need all the trimmings. A life without any kind of struggle isn't really worth living, because you never really grow. That's what I'd do if I had a million dollars. Next Previous