August 29, 1997 I saw a friend tonight. She was back home to pick up her stuff before she too heads back to Smith for her final year. It was nice listening to her tales from her year abroad. Reliving my own, sharing experiences. Laughing at the similarities. And the differences. It made me miss Europe and I can feel the itch to get moving in my feet. I've got a travel bug. It's bitten me hard and fast. Not only do I want to travel just for the sake of traveling, but also because I'd like to meet Sabs' family in France. His family is part of who he is and it's a part of his life which I haven't really shared in. He is so very fond of his grandparents and it's bond I'd like to share in. Family is so important. Sometimes we deny this to ourselves. Especially when I was a teenager, much as I loved my parents, I pushed them away, trying desperately to define myself on my own terms. I gathered myself up into a tight little ball and refused to share with them the way I used to. And I'm only now breaking down some of those walls I built so well. My parents were lucky, I was a good kid. I didn't really feel a need to act out. But I withdrew. And sometimes I regret it, because my family is an intrinsic part of who I am today and I can't deny that to myself. Each member of my family has affected me in some way at some time in my life. I still reach for the phone to call my mother when times of trouble loom. For advice mostly or just to share. I want to have a family some day. Not too far in the distant future. I want it to be a family in which we can share things. Where my children aren't afraid of me. Where my own fears and concerns don't drive them away from me. I want my home to be a safe haven, where they will always be able to turn for solace. Sometimes I think that this is just a pipe dream: that my own impatient nature doesn't necessarily foster that kind of atmosphere. But sometimes the longing for it is so great that it sings in my head, a swelling melody which calls and calls and calls without ceasing. Next Previous