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August 12, 1997 Trouble me, disturb me with all your cares and your worries. Speak to me and let our words build a shelter from the storm. Lastly, let me know what I can mend. There's more, honestly, than my sweet friend, you can see. Trust is what I'm offering if you trouble me. -- 10,000 Maniacs, Trouble Me off of Blind Man's Zoo I often feel this way when Sabs is being partiuclarly close-lipped about something that may or may not be bothering him. I sometimes feel like I have to go after him with a crow-bar to pry open his insides, so he'll just TALK to me. He's a lot better about opening up and saying when something is wrong than a large portion of my male friends. But he's still pretty darned close-mouthed. I think what gets me is that I KNOW he's holding something back most of the time. I can see it in his face, in the way he tilts his head, the way his mouth tilts up and down, the half-sad puppy dog look in his eyes. And all I want to do is know what is wrong, if I've done anything to hurt him so I can apologize, try to make amends. I have female friends who are like this too. It's a slightly different physical dynamic though. Their eyes kind of focus beyond your head, they smile, they laugh, and pretend there's nothing wrong. But there's an edge in the laughter and there's that slight .... tired ... slump in their bodies which speaks of problems too often shouldered in favor of carrying on with other more important things. Communication. Telling each other what we feel. Telling each other when we hurt, when we're glad, when we've had a bad night's sleep. Telling each other anything that's on our minds. It's important ... no one that I know can read minds, yet we take so much for granted. We're terrible at communicating, so often what we say and what we really mean aren't the same our words are disguised, out of fear of saying what we really mean. Insecurity, big old enemy of communication. I'd like to think that I have a good ear. Or my friends wouldn't come to me for advice, for a shoulder whatever. I guess maybe I'm glad to say it: Please do, trouble me, I can help you shoulder your burdens if you let me. That's what friends are for. Don't shut yourself away, it's lonely enough as it is. |