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August 6, 1997 Love comes quickly Whatever you do You can't stop falling ... -- Love comes quickly, The Pet Shop Boys No I can't stop falling in love. It keeps happening to me. Unfortunately falling out of love is a lot harder to do than falling in love in the first place. It's hard to put it all behind me, set the memories aside, and go forward. Even when I have a wonderful new love, past loves still dwell in my memory. I'm told that remembering old loves fondly is normal. But sometimes I think I dwell on it all too much. I've also been told that, though you can 'get over' someone, there is always a part of you that still loves somehow. I wonder if this is true even if you are very angry, or even more true because of the anger. Does associating such a strong feeling, while negative, intensify the memories? I love Sabs. But I am still haunted by past loves. This doesn't lessen what I feel for Sabs in any way. But I get twinges of guilt, as if I was cheating on him somehow to be thinking about other people for whom I once had such strong feelings. He says it doesn't bother him. He says it's normal. But I still feel bad about it. Especially since I sink back into memory so easily and so completely. I still cry sometimes about the endings of those old love affairs. It's just so very sad when love is thwarted by things like time, distance and human changes. Though it hurts, and confuses and confounds, I still run after love like a moth drawn to a flame. Most of the time, I can hover in the warmth and bask in the light. Sometimes, I get burned. I think I've gotten the hang of it this time ... we'll just have to see ... |