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July 22, 1997 8:10AM EST So I finished reading the rest of my old school reports last night. And I lay awake staring at the ceiling for about an hour after I'd finished, wondering about what happened to me in between to make me turn out the way I did. I have the distinct feeling that I got lost somewhere along the way. The picture of me that is painted by my teachers' comments is so different from the girl-woman I am today. I hesitate to say "woman" in fact, because I still have so much growing to do. But I am not the same as that quiet, studious girl with braids that got left behind somewhere in the mists of junior high. It has become clear to me through this reading, that I should probably have stayed at the private school where I was enrolled for five years. I should have stuck it out despite being lonely. I switched into the public system, only to explore the social situation, not because of any difference in the academic offerings. In fact, if I'd stayed, I'd probably be more focussed today. My academic interests would probably have stayed at the fore of my concentration. I would have gotten a lot more out of college instead of frittering away four years on a degree that wasn't even the one I really wanted. I'm sitting here in my cube, at a job that I alternately don't mind, mildly enjoy or hate with a passion. And I keep wondering how things would have worked out differently if I'd stayed. In fact, I think I'd be so different that I wouldn't recognize myself. But the past is the past, and the decision was made and acted upon. There can't really be any looking back now. However, reading those reports reminded me of how much I like to learn and KNOW things. So, as soon as Novemeber rolls around, and my residency switches over to Virginia, I'm going to take a good long look at the offerings at the community college and see if I can't get my brain back into the swing of things. |