June 24, 1997
6:50PM EST

I've been disturbed by something that happened yesterday and today.

What was even more scary is that I didn't really notice that it could happen, it wasn't until I read something somewhere else that I realized that something somewhat nasty was building up. It kind of left me torn, and very preoccupied that such a thing could happen, I who keep thinking of the web community I've been watching and peripherally participating in as so sacredly safe.

Basically, I'm shaken. I don't really want to go into it, because plenty of other people have, and I'd rather just let it go. But it HAS disturbed me, and that I wanted to write about. I guess I'm still in shock at some of the things people have been saying. One minute everything was very safe and civilized, the minute there's hay flying and though it's not something I'm involved in, it's affected me. I guess the whole thing has just made me sad that something like that could happen.

Yeah, I'm being vague. I'm just shaken is all, it'll pass in a little bit and we can all get back to our regularly scheduled pleasant surfing around of the web.

I'm also peering at my design and going, oh crap, it's terrible isn't it? It's very cliched and old and not unique, blah blah blah. In other words I'm having a fit of insecurity. I'd like to come up with something really neat, and cool and fresh and original, but I've settled for clear and readable and hopefully, navigable? Am I wrong? Can anyone tell me, if I should change something? What do you like? Can you find your way around? Where do you get lost? Tell me, please?

Sabs will be home in half an hour, and then I can sit down and talk about all of this with him. I know he'll have something blessedly pragmatic to say, like "But, bunny, this is all just on the WEB, forget about it". Except in this case I can't because, being the soft-hearted person that I am, I see people that I'm starting to care about in pain and that makes me upset. Okay , okay, enough said. I think I'll put a lid on this for now.

Anyone know the song "Words" by The Christians? or "Parisienne Days" by Gary Moore? These are 2 songs on an anthology of Love songs that I bought in Switzerland. Both I listened to at a REALLY rough time in my life and some of that old pain just seeped back into my conscious memory, not a happy thing to have happening at a time like this. Despite all that, I'm still struck by the mesh of the words and the music in "Words" it's a song ABOUT pain, and you can feel it, I mean, REALLY feel it.

Anyway, Sabs will be here soon, and then I'll feel better, just 'cause he's 'round.

7:43AM EST

Early morning, sun beaming through the trees, casting shadows in lacy leafy patterns, and long grassy woven patterns through the shrubs that line the streets of downtown D.C.

Foggy Bottom, can be awfully pretty in the morning light, with everything tipped in gold, the historic buildings leaning toward each other, birds chirping loudly at passersby and the squirrels, who scamper about like crazed lunatics.

In some parts of this neighborhood, the sidewalks are still brick, twisted by the roots of trees which push aside the red blocks to gain access to the sun and the dirt and the rain. Walking over this is like a miniature roller coaster of ups and downs, when it rains, the water collects in the dips and one must jump from stone to stone, like a kid crossing a brook.

It's been a good morning.

I've had guests all weekend and have been cooking up a storm in anticipation of our trip to Atlanta. the fridge is stuffed with tupperware containers, ready for the lengthy drive, so that we don't have to stop for fast-food. I was such a paragon of domesticity yesterday, my mother would have been proud. I did all the wash, baked bread, made apple sauce, food for the road and dinner for 4. As I tromped about the apartment in an apron and big fluffy slippers, I couldn't help laughing at how much like a typical house-wife I must look.

And today I'm back to being a "young professional". I wonder how long I'll be able to balance both sides of myself. The side which is independent and enjoys supporting herself, and the side that wants to have children and stay home and bake brownies and bandage knees ... how do people do both, without going insane?